He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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