he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
