It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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