Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
