i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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