A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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