I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
