he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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