i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
