You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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