I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
