why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
