I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
