Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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