I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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