Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
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Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
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She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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