from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
This baby is an asshole
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Randomize
