How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
