HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
