Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
