im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
