I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina