Jerry, you need to find god
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.