Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!