He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
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How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
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My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
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