I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Randomize
