hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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