so that wasnt chicken after all
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
