he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
