apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
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Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
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I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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