First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
