Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
