just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You ruined the universe
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
