My room smells like vodka and shame
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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