party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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