I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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