we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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