u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
