I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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