well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
