What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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