I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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