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it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
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