Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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