Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.