I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
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She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
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Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.