**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I lost the right to judge tonight
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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