so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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