the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
