I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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