trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
