i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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