Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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