Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
