Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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