I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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