My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
