i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
