Got a toothbrush?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
