Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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