How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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