your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
