Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
