you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
