her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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