god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
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