There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
