Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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