Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
