Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
