Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
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