Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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