is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
