HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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