put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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