how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
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