Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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