it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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