i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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