beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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