her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
